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Dirty Hands

by Remembrance

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1.
I've thrown myself in this shallow grave. Disconnected from everything. Day after day feeling beaten and worn. Forever trapped in this dark hole. And on the day that I die. I'll beg you not to cry. I'll feel alive for the first time. And when they put me in the ground. I'll beg you not to frown. This is where I need to be. And to my friends and my family. I'm sorry that I could never be. The friend and the son you expected of me. I tried so hard to be perfect, but in the end it was never worth it. So now I'm saying goodbye. And on the day that I die. I'll beg you not to cry. I'll feel alive for the first time. And when they put me in the ground. I'll beg you not to frown. This is where I need to be. Six feet under. I've never felt such comfort. This is where I need to be.
2.
I'm afraid that I've become everything that I've said I'm not. I've lost myself inside my head. The person that I am today is not the one that I used to be. What have I what have I become? I'm tired of living my life in vain and feeling worthless and empty. I'm tired of living my life in fear of falling and failing. Who am I? Why have I become everything I've said I'm not? Searching for a silver lining that will never be found, and trying to find solace in my surroundings in hoping of being content. I've been treading down the same path for many years. I'm going nowhere, I refuse to continue on living like this. And I just want to understand if there's a reason that I'm here. I'm only human. So perfectly imperfect. I hold my future in the palm of my hands. I'll be my own light. I'll be my own light.
3.
Stare into the setting sun and find a sense of redemption. I have no admiration for anything anymore. My perception has faded to gray. I am colorblind. I am lost and so afraid that I'll never find my way home. And it's time for me to face the truth. There is no hope for me. I'm just another wandering soul with nothing nothing to believe. Give me something to believe in. Something I can cherish. I really want to find my way home. Stare into the setting sun and find a sense of redemption. I have no admiration for anything anymore. My perception has faded to gray. I am colorblind. I am lost and so afraid that I'll never find my way home. Give me something to believe in, because I've lost all of the faith I've never had in myself. In myself. I am a lost soul with no hope of ever being found bury these old bones, and leave me there to rot. I'm just another wandering soul. I'm just another wandering soul with nothing to believe.
4.
Glimmer 03:36
I've never been familiar with this feeling, and honestly I can't tell you what this all means. I'm so used to being a let down and falling short. You made me feel like my life had meaning. You made me feel so safe and secure. You were the glue that held me together even when you were falling apart. A broken man with no sense of pride, but you still picked me up. I am in to deep. I can't claw my way back to the surface. Back to the surface. Back to the surface. But those feelings are dead and gone and the lies you told me I know that I was never good enough. This betraying feeling of a love that I never knew. You swore that you you would always be there. You were the last glimmer of hope that I'll ever see. Now I'm left with nothing but a dying light to guide my way. Seasons changed. years have passed. we watched the time die in vain. These scars that I've inflicted will never fade away. You were the last glimmer of hope that I'll ever see. Now I'm left with nothing but a dying light to guide my way. Seasons changed. years have passed. we watched the time die in vain. These scars that I've inflicted will never fade away.
5.
Dirty Hands 04:05
Dirty hands dug into the ground. Burdened by the weight of my mistakes. I am sinking. I'd climb the highest mountains, and roam the lowest valleys if it meant that I could find the answers. The answers to all of this (to all of this to all of this). Everyday things stay the same. Quicksand beneath my feet. Feeling the pressure feeling reality. Walls I can't seem to break down. A vicious cycle I need to be redeemed. Guide me towards the light. Take my heart. Take my mind. I'd climb the highest mountains, and roam the lowest valleys if it meant that I could find the answers. The answers to all of this (to all of this to all of this). Here I stand. standing on the edge of the world questioning my purpose (my purpose) . I don't think I can take much more. I'm at the end of my rope. Drowning inside myself. My words will fall short of everything you expect of me. Replace this emptiness, and fill it with hope that can rid myself from the demons that tread my mind. Trying to find a path that leads towards peacefulness. It's the loneliest trail I've ever witnessed. So many bridges I've burned. So many ties I have cut. I did this to myself. No one to blame. I'm losing control. Losing my fucking sanity. The life I lead has been based on lies and fallacies. Cleanse these dirty hands. I'll never make peace with who I am. I'd climb the highest mountains, and roam the lowest valleys if it meant that I could find the answers. The answers to all of this (to all of this to all of this). I long for peace. I long for peace.
6.
Salutations 04:06
With all the nights I spent lying in bed. Just know I tried so hard to put my faith in him. I know I'll never be the man you wanted me to be. I just can't believe in something that I can't see. And you can pray for me, but it won't change a thing. I'm just a poor boy. I'm just a lost soul. I'll never find the answers that I've been longing for. I know that I'm just a lost soul, but in the end life doesn't even matter. I just can't believe in the things that I can't see. They haunt me. Why should I ever put my faith in something that never put its faith in me. Please tell me. I just can't believe in the things that I can't see. Release the noose around my neck and set me free.

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All songs written and performed by Remembrance

Mixed and Mastered by Jamie King @ The Basement Studios (BTBAM, Secret Lives, Alesana)

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released June 24, 2015

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Remembrance North Carolina

North Carolina//Melodic Hardcore

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